I knew there was something wrong with my recent titles. They were long because you never use four of the same character in Roman numerals. Forty is XL, meaning 50 - 10, not four Xs. I apologise for the mistake. To rectify my gaffe and refresh my Latin, I recently got Gwynne’s Latin and read it on my trip to the country side, where we celebrated the belated birthday of a dear friend. To deal with the admin, a chat group was set up and I involuntarily conducted a fun study confirming the theory that men consider good humour in women when women laugh at their jokes, but not when the girls are the ones making the jokes. Or as this condescending Vanity Fair article puts it, they want them as an audience, not as rivals. And there is a huge, brimming reservoir of male unease, which it would be too easy for women to exploit. Making the same type of direct and unhinged jokes that men make raise quite a few eyebrows. Nothing new under the sun. On reddit there are plenty of posts about how females have to dampen their humour in order to not threaten the male ego. Thank god this only happens when it comes to the jokes in life and not other important areas. If only.
During the weekend, I had a conversation with a male friend on a different feminism related topic, namely about the fact that walking in a room with the conviction that the game is rigged against you will inevitably limit your outcomes. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? I agree with the fact that one has to shine with confidence in order to get what one wants, but this is easier done, when the odds are in your favour and bias on your side. Sometimes you have to acknowledge that the game is rigged against you to an extent that makes it not worth playing. Especially when you know that this lottery won’t get any better the older you get. You keep going all in and are left begging for loans, so you can see what the next hand has got for you. A painful cycle that takes away more than it can ever return. So, the only thing left to do is to stand up and flip the table. Change the game and reestablish rules. You will inevitably face a lot of resistance from the other end of the table. The end that finds it easy to win and take every of your hand.
A good modern day proverb is don’t hate the player, hate the game. For some reason, men struggle to understand that feminists do indeed strongly adhere to this quote. The fight against sexism is the fight against a system that benefits whoever is at the top of the pyramid (in this time and age i.e. white males). Women don’t hate men, but simply ask them to dismantle a system that benefits them at our cost. Women ask men to stop free riding and taking credit they are not due. Guys often say they do not want to be blamed for something (oppression) they have not done. They have done nothing to anyone. And that is exactly the point. By doing nothing, we continue to uphold structures that take from some and give to others, in this case on the basis of their gender.
Continuing to do so, doesn’t require any action as this happens per default. In this case, inaction becomes oppression. Just because something is the status quo it doesn’t mean it is right or fair or that we should comply. But life has many technicalities that one must get by before being able to revolt. Like paying rent, buying food and affording good healthcare. So how do we do this?
Christiana, who invited me to her podcast and wrote a guest piece here, described my writing style as fearless confrontation. Thank you very much. Confrontation and healthy awkwardness is definitely what I am going for. However, I think it is time for vulvarina to move in her next stage. In the past almost two years, I have been writing every second Friday. Beginning now, I will refrain to only posting once a month and use the spare time to focus on a different type of writing, that I will hopefully soon share, too. Until then, I hope you enjoy this anecdotes inspired, data driven format.
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